One time I worked as a personal assistant for this rich dude. He was pretty ok for like. A dude w more money than I can rlly comprehend? Anyways a part of his assets was this grain processing plant; idk what they actually did I just ran errands for the dude n made sure he wasn’t bothered from big money decisions basically. Glorified coffee bitch? Anyways we’re working one day and the workers catch this random lady like??? Taking bags of whatever the hell they kept in the plant. We’re getting ready to call the cops, I’m getting anxious, and the boss…….. tells them to let her go. He tells her she’s allowed to take only what she can carry in her own arms. So she scrambled off with the bag of wheat or corn or whatever ???? And the crews super confused and the boss goes “do not stop her from getting what she can carry” & so that happens again like once a week for the next few months. I find out she’s actually an immigrant and a widow? Living with her dead husbands mom. She’s been stealing to feed her mom in law. Anyways eventually one day she like. Approached my boss. In his office.
And like a month later I was given an invitation to their wedding it was extremely fucked up my boss married a lady who was a wheat thief
I had a server tell me about how he was harassed into going to a church baptism ceremony by a not so close friend and to get them off his back he agreed
He decided some time before that of he was going to be forced to do this her might as well have fun with it right? So he goes to lush and buys one of the black bath bombs, and cuts it in half.
Now fast forward to the day of and he is wearing a small harness under his shirt that is keeping both haves of the bath bomb one either shoulder blade.
He volunteers to get baptised
They take him up put him in the white robe and then he waits for his turn. Now the friend who invited him had no clue what he is doing. They are pleasantly surprised to see him participating.
Honestly. A mistake on their part.
I only knew this guy for a max of 45 minutes and I could already tell this dude was a chaos entity.
So his turn comes up and they go to dunk him and the water immediately starts to foam and turn black and he starts screaming like a banchee jumps out the water and hisses at the priest
Everyone fucking lost it and her was banned from ever attending that church again.
So yeah all in all seems like a great thing to do for a hilarious story
honestly missionaries are evil. the idea of traveling the world to tell people Who Didnt Fucking Ask that their beliefs are wrong in the hopes that theyll adopt your beliefs seems sinister
An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?”
“No,” said the priest, “not if you did not know.”
“Then why,” asked the Inuit earnestly, “did you tell me?”
If I'm your savior, then you're mine. 