calebwidodad:

titleknown:

fromthemindofatwentyorotherlycan:

fattyatomicmutant:

I love Dungeons and Dragons prestige classes like there’s a kind of Blood Mage that has the power to teleport by CRAMMING THEMSELVES INTO SOMEBODYS WOUND EVEN A PAPERCUT WILL DO AND POP OUT OF SOMEBODY ELSES WOUND THATS THE SAME BLOOD TYPE REGARDLESS OF DISTANCE.

Can you imagine it you get a PAPERCUT and some some unkempt wizard just stumbles out of it?

No but you’re missing the best part of that class they can LITERALLY MAKE YOU EXPLODE by popping out of you like say the big bad is the same blood type as one of your buddies you can just be like “hey fred give yourself a small cut on yer arm” and fred can and then you just cram yourself into fred’s arm and fucking six seconds later then bigbad just fucking EXPLODES IN A SHOWER OF BLOOD AND GORE AS YOU POP OUT OF THEM BEING ALL “SUPRISE MUTHERFUCKER BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING”

There’s also

• The Acolyte Of The Skin; who replaces his entire skin with a
  demon. Like, a whole fucking demon.
• The Green Star Adept who just fucking eats a whole bunch of
  fucking expensive space-metal to turn himself into space-metal; just
  shoves it all in his facehole.
• The Squire of Legend; which is literally a class training to be
  the best second-banana to the actual heroes you can be.
• The Ghost-Faced Killer, an actual fucking prestige class named
  after a Wu-Tang Clan member
• The Vigilante, a class notable for the main fact that its sample
  character is a fucking hobbit-Batman named fucking Beasley Biggums
• The Rage Mage, who improves her spellcasting by getting really
  fucking angry.
• The Flayerspawn Psychic, who is a psychic who gets their powers
  from having a Mind Flayer (IE, those squid-headed guys) in their
  family tree, despite the fact that Mind Flayer reproduction involves
  a worm eating your brain from the inside out and using your body as a
  host, which is one of the many reasons the book it comes from is
  considered one of the worst in 3.5E
• The Vassal of Bahamut; who literally has a class feature of “gets
  a shit-ton of money” at certain levels
• The Impure Prince, who fights Lovecraftian abominations by turning
  herself into a Lovecraftian
  abomination, which seems both ill-advised and severely
  badass at the same time.
• The Master of Masks; which allows you to make Majora’s
  Mask-style masks that give you various powers and is actually
  legit-cool fluff-wise despite actually being not-very-good gameplay
  wise
• The Thrall Of Orcus; whose requirements bizarrely specify doing a
  dark ritual “atop an altar made of at least thirty skulls.”
• The Lord of Tides; which specialises in getting water in the
  desert and has an ability that allows you to extract water forcibly
  from a person Tank Girl-style. And if you kill somebody with it, the
  water turns into a magical water imp for about a minute!
• The Divine Prankster, who plays April Fools-style practical jokes
  in the name of the Gods and literally has an ability that’s pretty
  much the World’s Deadliest Joke from that one Monty Python sketch.
• The Primeval, who literally slowly becomes a fucking Caveman as
  she gains levels and has the ability to turn into prehistoric
  megafauna as one of its primary class features.
• The Cancer Mage, who can literally turn into a flying disease at
  its highest level, has a sentient tumor as a familiar; can make armor
  out of garbage, and is actually-pretty-terrible gameplay-wise unless
  you get the right diseases; in which case it becomes unspeakably
  broken
• The Ashworm Dragoon; which is pretty much a literal specialized
  Sandworm-rider class. SHAI HULUUD!
• The Renegade Mastermaker, who is literally a magical cyborg
  dedicated to physically emulating a specific player race of magical
  robots (Yes, D&D has that), who has a magic cyborg arm called a
  BATTLEFIST as a class feature.
• The Risen Martyr who is literally Jesus-come-back-from-the-dead as
  a prestige class.

D&D is amaaaaaaaazing…

@lilefarc plays a Blood Mage in our campaign and I honestly can’t wait for my shadow dancer to see that because he will shit himself