yourplayersaidwhat:

(Context: our party was infiltrating a religious cult’s ritual sacrifice, I (the rogue) was used as an offered sacrifice for the rest of the party to gain access to the ritual. The guards threw me in a pit with the rest of the sacrifices.)

Me(rogue): I’d like to stealthily throw a pebble at the dwarf prisoner in the pit with me.

DM: Okay. Roll an attack.

Me(ooc): 19

DM: Okay. You hit. Roll a sleight of hand to see if he saw you throw it.

Me: Natural 1

DM: You just hurled it blatantly at him. He’s running at you to attack…. swings and hits you in the face. What do you do?

Me: I ask him if that’s all he’s got, and then I use my action to dodge.

DM: He swings at you again… Natural 1 … he misses, trips, and falls prone.

Me: I line up and punt him in the ribs… Natural 20

DM: You kick him so hard he’s knocked unconscious.

Me: Did I draw any attention of the guards outside of the pit?

DM: Ya, one guard on the edge yells at you to knock it off and hurls a rock at you. Roll a DEX save.

Me: Natural 1

DM: You dodge into the rock, it beans you in the side of the head, you’re knocked unconscious. One of the other prisoners takes this opportunity to relieve himself on your back.

(I proceeded to smell like urine for the rest of the session. The rest of my party were killing themselves with laughter OOC. When I woke up, it was time for the sacrifice. As everything was going down and we were rescuing the prisoners, i grabbed the same dwarf told him he’d proven his strength to me, rolled a 19 on intimidation, and told him to get the people out of there.)